Talking, to fill the silences
The silences, that I once could go,
Without trying to fill,
Without being afraid,
That by not filling the silences,
He’d give me a reason to be quiet.
I’m quiet, He said.
I’m typing too much on my phone.
Trying to hide something,
I must be cheating.
Why wasn’t I giving him,
Wording it now, I realise it was dumb.
The silences, I want to learn,
To let them exist,
To let them show,
That it was his problem, not mine,
The silences I want to let happen,
And I’m learning, I’m slowly learning,
That fear doesn’t need to be there.
I can be quiet,
I won’t be bruised,
Just because I’m silent,
It doesn’t mean I’m hiding something.
That I must secretly hate those around me.
That something is wrong.
Sitting on my laptop,
Around my friends, my girlfriend, my family,
I can be calm, doing my own thing,
I’m not talking so much,
At least not out of nerves.
Breathing in the same air,
Sharing the same space,
As the people I love.